


Fading Grace

by CursedorNotRemember



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Demon Dean, Graceless Castiel, M/M, My First Destiel Fanfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-19 09:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2383148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CursedorNotRemember/pseuds/CursedorNotRemember
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel finds out that Dean is most certainly alive and he'll do anything to save him. With his borrowed grace running out, can he manage to save both Dean and himself? If not both, then he's going to find out a way to save the man who made him fall in every way possible. He will save the man he fell in love with. The man he keeps choosing over everything. Including his own family, which his angel friend Hannah is not exactly thrilled about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, this is my first attempt at a Destiel fanfic- as well as a fan fiction series (well first on this site)- I will attempt to update as much as I can. The tags are subject to change.. so keep that in mind when reading. Thanks!
> 
> Oh, also- if you want more truly, leave kudos and comments ;D You can also let me know if it's a dud, Thank you again!

Castiel had not always realized how he had felt for the righteous man. The man he was ordered to save from hell. He did not think, he was going to drop everything –his family- his heaven- his home even for one man. Why would he? Dean Winchester was just a human. And he himself an angel, but Dean Winchester was anything but ordinary, he is special; a hero even. Well, he was all those things until recently.

Now, Dean is dead. That was what Metatron had told him, before Castiel had locked him in heaven’s prison. Castiel had realized too late that he was in fact in love with Dean. Metatron, the douche he was cleared that up for him. It was always about Dean. It was about saving him, protecting him. 

Castiel had been questioning why it had to be Dean. Why did Dean have to die? Dean was a good man. A man who’s only interest was to save people. To hunt the monsters that threatened the very world. He was the most selfless man Castiel had ever known. 

He wanted to stop thinking about Dean and just be what he had always been, an angel. An angel who could not care, and angel a creature whose only job was to obey the orders it was given. 

Castiel was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of his phone ringing. He was laying in an old bed trying to get back to sleep when the thoughts had come in the first place. Ever since his grace began to fade he started to need sleep. He was dying and he could feel it. Maybe death would not be terribly bad either. He looked over at the phone as it rang, the caller I.D read “Sam” so he reached for it and answered it. 

“Sam” he said, his mouth was dry and sounded heavily of sleep. 

“Cas? Cas, he’s alive..! Dean, Dean’s alive!” Sam said sounding enthused 

“Are you sure?” Cas asked skeptically, he was not interested in getting his hopes up.

“Of course I’m Sure Cas, I-I laid his body down and when I checked on him he was gone. There was a note. Dead people don’t leave notes.” Sam said, he spoke so quickly Castiel could barely understand a word he said. 

“What did the note say?” Cas asked he had a sinking feeling in his gut, something felt off.

“It said ‘Sammy, let me go’ “Sam said “I just, don’t understand why” he added, sounding upset. 

“Don’t worry Sam, we’ll find him and figure this out.” Cas said his voice was weak but full of determination, if Dean was alive and that was a big if he need to tell him. To tell Dean how he felt. He also needed to find out why Dean had ran in the first place. 

“Are you sure you’re up for it? You don’t sound too good yourself Cas” Sam said his voice thick with concern. He was a troubled man, usually was. Cas finally understood why after he himself was human for a while. Being human was harder than he had originally imagined. 

“Sam, I want to save your brother more than I want to save myself. He deserves to be saved… I …” Cas said trailing off he did not want Sam to worry about him, this was about Dean- as it always was and Cas felt insignificant in comparison. 

“Cas, we will find a way to help you too. Dean always said you were family and I think it’s safe to say you are.” Sam said Cas paid attention still to the worry in his voice and slowly smiled at the thought of being considered family. 

There was a knock at Cas’s motel door. He hoped stupidly that it was Dean. “Sam, I have to go. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He said, hanging up right after. Not giving Sam a chance to say anything more. Afraid that he may warn him against going to the bunker.

Cas had fallen asleep the night before in nothing else other than a bath robe. He had tried to fall asleep in his clothing but he had been too hot and yet strangely cold at the same time. There were still droplets of sweat that remained on his forehead. He pulled the robe close to his body and walked slowly to the door as the person knocked again. The sound rang through his ears and caused his head to ache but, he tried to ignore the pain.

“Coming” he said, as clearly as he could manage, the person must have heard because the knocking ceased.

When Cas opened the door, his hopes were crushed. It was not Dean on the other side, of course it wasn’t. It was Hannah standing in front of him. His disappointment must have showed on his face. Hannah looked confused. Cas absentmindedly let go of the robe exposing himself to her, causing Hannah’s earlier expression to be replaced with a seductive grin. Cas was not amused, he pulled the robe protectively over his body again. 

“Hannah, you are here …early.” Castiel said, hiding the annoyance from his voice. After all, he was thankful she was trying to look out for him, but he wanted to get to Sam and he didn’t like Hannah looking at him like that. It made him uncomfortable. Especially considering she was the one who made him chose between Dean and the angels. He could not forget that, he could forgive her for the deed. However, not to the point of having physical relations with her. He only wanted Dean back. 

“I could return later. When you’re decent” Hannah said, trying to look anywhere else other than at Castiel. 

“No, I need to head back to Sam, I need to go to Kansas. We are not far. If you do not want to accompany me, just leave I will understand. If you do want to come along, wait here. “ Cas said he headed back inside before she could give any sort of reply, or protest. He was not going to take no for an answer when it came to him leaving to go to Sam. He would go, even if he died on the way. After all, dying for Dean did not sound like a bad way to go. 

Once he was finished getting dressed and getting his things together, packing them into a duffle bag, the duffle bag had been given to him by Dean. Before he had kicked Castiel out, forcing him to leave as quickly as they could both stuff the duffle bag full of essentials. Or that was what Dean had referred to them as- essentials things all humans needed. The memory of the entire ordeal still sent an ache through Castiel’s chest. An ache he still had not completely understand. However, the ach was nowhere near as bad as it had been before Castiel knew the reason why Dean had done it. There was not any anger that followed either. It only made him want to save Dean even more. It made dean more flawless, or at least in Castiel’s eyes the man was perfect, imperfectly so almost. 

Cas rejoined Hannah, he noticed the way she was watching him the lust from earlier turned to concern as Cas dragged himself over to the car, the weight of the duffle bag was heavier than he last remembered. He opened the right back seat door and tossed the bag onto the seat. Then headed around to the driver’s side of the vehicle. He was relieved to see Hannah following him to the passenger seat, completely aware that he would need her assistance driving at least for a little while.

“I know you will not hear me when I say this but I need to say it; should we not be more focused on your grace issue, rather than the Winchesters, or should I say Winchester?” Hannah asked, Cas could hear the bitterness in her voice. Though he pretended to ignore it. 

“I know my choice bothers you, sister. However, my choice remains the same. These boys are worth saving.” Cas said he wondered why she could not understand, but he kept that to himself. 

“You mean Dean Winchester. You love him don’t you? Truly Castiel, do you? Was Metatron right?” she asked, her voice was no longer bitter but concerned. 

“Yes. Based on my understanding, I love Dean. To be honest, I am not completely aware of when it happened but along some line, I fell in love with Dean Winchester. The righteous man, the man who taught me freewill. Does this change your mind about helping me?” Castiel said, he knew in order to survive himself he needed Hannah’s help and he hoped his words would not change her mind.

“No, I will not abandon you. I worry about you too much Castiel.” Hannah said,Castiel had expected some sort of disappointment from her voice- or her expression but she smiled instead. Though it did seem forced, it was still a smile. It made Castiel trust her. More importantly it felt that maybe not ALL his family hated him. 

Castiel smiled and looked at the road. “Lets get this, uh show on the road.” He said remembering Dean referring to their lives as a show when they were at a bar once ‘what show have you been watching?’ his voice echoed in his head as he drove off. He thought if he replied to the question Dean’s voice would fade and he would forget what it sounded like, so he just drove off.


	2. Team Unstable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah proves herself trustworthy. Or at least for now and Castiel finally reunites with Sam but will things go as pleasantly as hoped? Will the two of them ever locate Dean? And if they do, will they like what they see? Or will the journey be for nothing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to dedicate this to the wonderful tiffinitie <3 
> 
> Also, Sorry this took so long. I would make some sort of excuse but I'm not sure I have one- though i did have glass stuck in my finger. Don't ask.

Dean’s voice had faded from Castiel’s mind almost as soon as it had appeared there. It disappointed Cas greatly, as he longed to hear the man’s voice again. Even if the words were filled with anger he could handle that, as long as Dean was speaking. 

When Castiel and Hannah had reached the half-way point to the bunker. Castile pulled over, he began to feel his eyes droop and knew it was time to trust Hannah no to steer him some other way. He turned his head to look at his sister. 

“I think you should take over now. Is that alright?” Cas asked, trying to conceal just how tired and damaged he truly was.

“Anything you need” Hannah said nodding her head a bit. 

Castiel got out of the car first and Hannah followed getting into the driver’s seat of the car where Cas had been moments before. Cas paused before he got into the car briefly wondering if he should lay out in the back and sleep or ride shotgun to keep an eye on Hannah, just in case she turned around on him. He hated that no matter how hard he tried he could no longer trust his angel siblings. 

Castiel decided it best to ride shotgun. He needed to get to Sam, so the two of them could find Dean. Even if it meant treating Hannah as if she were a loose cannon. 

Hannah began to drive off and Castiel leaned the seat back- it went back a little too quickly for his liking, startling him slightly. In his weakened state, he was not surprised by his lack of courage. 

A few minutes into the drive Castiel felt comfortable enough to catch some sleep. He was beginning to feel useless and his grace was fading more quickly than he had expected. He imagined briefly how it would have been if he were actually using it. At this rate he figured he would have died by now. 

When Castiel awoke the car was in park and Hannah was no longer inside the vehicle. He looked out the window and noticed that Hannah was speaking with a male outside a house. The house had white shingles and a front porch- which was where Hannah was speaking to this man. 

Hannah looked over, as if she noticed Castiel looking. She smiled at him from a far and headed over to the car. Cas rolled down the window, assuming she wanted to speak. 

“Our brother here says he found a group of rogue angels nearby. We aren’t too far from your destination, think you can manage?” Hannah asked looking worried for him. 

Cas was both happy and nervous about Hannah doing her own thing. He didn’t need to worry about her interference however he wondered if he could make it alone without her help. “Sister, stay here where you are needed. Do not worry about me. I give you my word. I will be fine…call me or I will call you. “he said, smiling at her to give her reassurance. 

Hannah smiled back at him though her eyes made it all too clear that she was still worried. At least she did not hide the way she cared for him. It was almost refreshing to know that he was not the only angel who felt emotions. 

Cas got out of the car once Hannah walked over to the other angel. He stated the engine once he was in the driver’s seat. Quickly being on his way again. 

It did not take Cas long to realize where he was, he had only been fifteen minutes away from the bunker. Close to reuniting with Sam, but more importantly finding Dean. Not that Sam lacked importance but, because Dean was important to them both. Though in different ways, extremely different ways.

Cas noticed Sam walking into a bar, the bar was so close to the bunker. He frowned at the thought of Sam turning to alcohol, especially so early in the day still. Cas pulled his car over along – side the road putting it in park. He exited the vehicle and went to follow Sam inside. 

“Sam?” Cas said as he came up behind him. 

“He’s been here. Right under my nose. “Sam said “Maybe he didn’t mean what he wrote in that note…” Sam added. 

“No…Dean … He… I’m sure he meant it. He would not have left the note if he didn’t. This must have something to do with the mark.” Cas said frowning as he reached to touch Sam’s arm briefly. 

Cas wanted to believe that Dean running from Sam- from both of them was just a misunderstanding. After everything they had all been through it did not seem like any good things could happen. It was crazy how Castiel had gone from believing in good things happening to believing they hardly ever happened. 

Dean doesn’t want to be found. Sam was losing his mental stability within his own sadness. And Castiel, well he was dying in a very literal way. Team Free Will was now Team Unstable. Castiel was willing to do everything in his power to make things right again. 

Sam walked up to the barkeep, the man had hair almost as long as Sam’s and a full beard to match. 

“You have any new patrons lately?” Sam asked 

“You have to be more specific than that. Besides, who’s asking?” the barkeep asked

Sam flashed the barkeep his fake FBI badge, Cas noticing what Sam had done pulled out the fake badge Dean had given him and showed the barkeep his as well. 

“Alright, give me a description. I ain’t savin’ no one from any feds” The keep said. 

“He…has very bright green eyes, light brown hair- that smells really nice, though he tends to be a trouble maker. To say the least.” Cas said awkwardly. 

The barkeep looked at Castiel skeptically.

“He’s uh… new” Sam said looking uncomfortable. 

“Ah, right. I knew that guy was trouble. I had my suspicions that it was with the law or something gang related. The way that guy fights. He got into several fights last night. I wanted to kick him out but my bartender Ann Marie kept vouching for him- took a lot of money from her check to cover for damages.” The keep said. 

“Any idea where he took off to after you closed up?” Sam asked, Cas looked over at Sam seeing the hope in his eyes. 

“Yeah. Went home with Ann. Guessing that’s why she’s late. Surprised I haven’t fired her yet.” The keep said shaking his head. 

Cas felt his heart make its way into his throat. Of course Dean preferred females, and only females to his knowledge. There was no point in confessing to Dean, when the man was going to reject him right away regardless. 

Sam must have gotten the woman’s address while Cas was busy sulking. 

“Thanks” Sam had said.

“Tell that girl to hurry up and get here while you’re at it.” The barkeep said in frustration. 

Sam snorted “Sure” he said and he headed out of the bar. Cas followed closely after him. 

“Sam … what if we don’t like who we find?” Cas asked with worry. 

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there Cas.” Sam said, mimicking Castiel’s worry.

Castiel wanted to be prepared for what they may or may not find. Maybe the barkeep was mistaken. There were bound to be several men with green eyes and light brown hair who had a tendency for getting into trouble. It might not be him, a part of Cas hoped it really was not he did not want to see Dean with some woman. Ann Marie. Castiel was sure that the woman was beautiful, that there would be no chance for him with her around. 

“Cas, the address isn’t that far from here… think we could take your car?” Sam asked.

Castiel nodded his head and reached into his coat for his keys then tossed them to Sam, who caught them easily. “You drive, that will give me time to rest a bit.” He said 

“Geez Cas. You sure you’re up for this? Your batteries seem….well dead” Sam said frowning at him. Poor Sam, he was always so troubled and Cas was just adding to the man’s worry. 

“I- Yes I am up for this. I will save your brother… even if my uh, batteries are dead” Cas said.

Soon both of them were in the car, Cas had made himself comfortable. He did not have to distrust Sam the way he did with Hannah. He wasn’t afraid that Sam would take him somewhere else or kill him even. In that moment, he could completely rest easy knowing Sam was behind the wheel. He would need his energy, he was certain of that.


	3. Hey Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Cas finally catch up with Dean. Facing a few minor difficulties on the way due to Castiel progressively getting worse. Will they be able to face what Dean has become?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much those of you that have been reading and leaving kudos.  
> You're all awesome and I adore all of you. <3

Cas awoke to Sam nudging his shoulder. When Cas looked at Sam his expression was strained with worry, that typical troubled Sam expression. Castile shook his head in response. There were several other things that needed to be worried about besides him. 

Sam sighed, “Well this is it, we’re here. Ready or not, buddy.” He said sounding nervous.

Castiel noticed that Sam was parked in the parking lot of an apartment building, it was far from the nicest building the roof was old and in need of repairs some of the windows were broken and the siding was completely warn out. Though, there was one nice part to the apartment building, it was the small garden of flowers out front of it. Castiel was sure it would attract plenty of bees, butterflies and other insects. 

“Let’s go apartment 2b.” Sam said and he got out of the car, but waited beside the car for Castiel. 

Cas did his best to get out of the car without appearing weak and injured. Once, he was out however it was obvious just how weak he was, as he wobbled- almost falling until he steadied himself by catching himself by using his car for support. 

Sam shook his head in disapproval. “Man, you should really just find a bed and stay in it. I feel guilty that you’re doing this.” He said.

“You know I am incapable of just sitting by and letting you do this alone. I miss Dean too.” Cas said once again opposed to the idea of doing absolutely nothing. Especially when it had to do with Dean. 

Sam nodded “I just hope he doesn’t try to fight us. I’m pretty sure he could know you over if he poked you.” He said. 

“Then I won’t let him ‘poke’ me, Sam. I promise I will be fine. Let’s just get this over with” Cas said he was not worried about a fight he was more worried about heart break rather than any physical pain that he may endure.   
Sam made no verbal reply, he just led them both to the apartment. He knocked loudly on the apartment door.

“Coming!” A female’s voice said. It was most likely the Ann Marie woman. Castiel’s stomach knotted up at the thought. 

“And I was about to be! Fucking cockblocks!” Castiel knew that gruff voice instantly and his heart sank at the words. Dean was alive though and that brought him a sense of ease like no other. 

“Shut up! Put some clothes on!” the woman yelled in clear annoyance before she opened the door, she looked at Sam and Cas.   
“How can I help you? It’s always nerve-wrecking when men in suits show up at my door.” 

“We’re with the FBI. You wouldn’t happen to know a Dean Winchester? He could be using a fake last name.” Same said flashing his badge. Cas did the same, or he attempted to though his nerves caused him to fumble and drop his, he quickly picked it back up. “Sorry, he’s new” Sam said quickly apologizing for Castiel’s actions.

When Cas looked up at Ann Marie, he couldn’t help but notice how pretty she was, there was no doubting that she was Dean’s type. With her long wavy blond hair, kind blue eyes, she was tall and thin with an hour glass shape to match. She was everything Castiel was not. Starting with the fact that she was female. 

Ann Marie looked even more nervous, “Um come in.” she said moving aside so they could walk in.

And there he was Dean Winchester standing there in the middle of Ann’s living area without any pants on Castiel could not tear his eyes away likely no one else notices his situation. Castiel could safely guess that Sam had his eyes covered and Ann had blew a fuse. 

“Dean! I told you to get dressed!” Cas could hear her shout but he was more interested in what was going on between Dean’s legs. 

“I thought you were going to get rid of them!” Dean shouted in return, not even he had noticed Cas or Sam for that matter or he pretended fairly well

“They’re feds! Why would I get rid of them?! I am NOT going to jail for some guy! Especially not one who I just met and claims to want no attachments!” Ann said now clearly angry, Cas hated himself for feeling relieved as he stared at Dean. 

“Ah they ain’t feds they’re fakes.” Dean said then he looked at Cas specifically and winked causing CAs to blush. “Hey angel, like what you see?” he asked grinning. 

“I- I’m no angel…not really” Cas stammered, blushing an even more profound shade of red, he had said the first thing that had come to his mind. 

“You kidding? You’ll always be my angel Cas.” Dan said his grin widening, there was something just wicked about his grin, the way it played deviously one his lips. “I mean just look at those lips you got the lips of an angel. Why do you waste ‘em?” he added flirtatiously. 

“Can we uh- just um talk?” Sam asked Cas was right, Sam had covered his eyes in embarrassment.

“Told you to let me go Sam. You should have listened.” Dean said darkly.

“What the heck is going on?” Ann asked nervously. 

“Why don’t you just be a good girl and get to work? I’ll tell you everything later.” Dean said smirking at her. Then he went to slip his pants on, they had been hanging on the arm of a chair. Castiel had to hide his disappointment. Though he was happy Ann Marie had taken off. 

“Dean, you owe Sam an explanation. You owe us BOTH an explanation.” Cas said looking at Dean with apprehension. 

“Keep your pants on angel. Or don’t… I wouldn’t mind if you didn’t. “ Dean said smirking at Cas. 

“Dean! Seriously!? I always knew you were into Cas and I never judged. But, what the hell man I’m right here!” Sam said.

“Hey, feel free to watch but, me and Cas have unfinished business.” Dean said, looking at Castiel lustfully. Cas felt his face get hot, he had to loosen his tie in hopes of cooling himself down. This was what Cas had wanted right? So where was this new-found rush of unease coming from?

. “Dean, that’s inappropriate. What has gotten into you?” Cas asked his throat tightened as he suppressed a cough. 

“It’s a new disease and I like it.” Dean said grinning as his eyes flashed black. Only then could Cas see his true monstrous face. It wasn’t like Meg’s face, it wasn’t molded from pain. There wasn’t even a little beauty behind the beast. It was terrifying and the monstrous eyes were staring straight into Castiel’s eyes. The eyes were filled with such a lustful hunger unlike any Castiel had ever witnessed. 

Part of Castiel knew it was too good to be true. That it was wishful thinking that Dean had just run off. Of course there was some sort of price to pay. The question was which demon was possessing him?

”Who did this? More importantly who are you? And why are you possessing my brother?” Sam asked angrily, he slammed his palms onto Ann’s coffee table, Cas was unsure when Sam had even went to sit on the couch in front of it in the first place.

“I ain’t possessed Sam. This is the new and improved me. Musta been the mark that brought me back this way. But, I ain’t complaining.” Dean said grinning at Sam. 

“You’re lying…there’s no way.” Sam said. Even Castiel could tell by the sound of Sam’s voice that his heart was breaking and Sam was not alone in that. 

“I’m not. But, tell you what, you give me five minutes with Wingless and I’ll go wherever you want.” Dean said as he eyed Cas lustfully even going to bit down on his own lip. 

Cas glared at Dean in response. 

“Don’t look at me like that. You want it just as badly. If not more. I always wanted you…. But I was too much of a bitch to admit to it.” Dean said. Castiel wasn’t sure if the demon was lying to him and using his former self as Castiel’s weakness. Or if he was being honest because either way- the result sent a sharp pain through his chest. 

“You know my price. So either pay it. Or leave. “Dean said. 

“Cas, you’re weak you don’t have to do this.” Sam said frowning at him. 

“No. I’m fine. I’ll do what he wants” Cas said. How could he say no? This was as close to Dean as he was going to get. 

“No that is what I wanted to hear, angel.” Dean said, grinning wickedly once again. 

I’d rather have you, cursed or not. Dean had said to Castiel just a few years back. Dean had accepted Castiel then and Cas was going to accept this monstrous version of Dean now. Even if he did not like the idea what-so-ever. Cas was broken back then, not evil. However, it made no difference. Castiel would stay at his side and Team Free Will would be back together. They could get through this and some-how fix Dean. It was all just a matter of time and effort.


	4. Somethings Can Be Fixed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas finally have their one on one but it takes a dark turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! I'm the worst person ever. Just been going through a spot of depression, loss of inspiration and such! I'll try to be better. Warning; there may be a few continuity errors, might have to work those out later, but I wanted to update while I had the chance :/

Dean looked at Sam smiling slyly. “Now, if you don’t wanna hear some very unholy noises. You should wait in the car. Unless of course you jogged here.” He said winking. 

Sam snorted looking at Dean in annoyance. Then his gaze turned to Cas and softened. “I will stay if you need me. I don’t trust him Cas. Of course any demon I don’t trust, but this demon version of Dean I distrust more than any. “He said looking at Cas with his best puppy-dog-eyed expression. 

“Wiser words were never spoken, Sammy. “ Dean said, the grin on his face never seemed to disappear. This made Cas feel nothing but unease. 

‘Cas forced a smile while looking at Sam. “No. You don’t have to stay. Just wait in my vehicle.” He said.

Before walking out Sam touched Castiel’s shoulder. “Please, be careful. Actually, take this.“ Sam Said, he reached into his inner coat pocket and pulled out a flask with a cross embedded into it. 

“Holy water. Thank you Sam.” Cas said, he was truly grateful and felt much safer with the flask in his hand as ironic as it seemed, an angel in need of holy water for protection. He placed the flask inside his pocket for safe keeping. 

“Aw, man gotta treat me like that?” Dean asked in mock offense. 

“Shut up.” Sam said, then he walked out of the apartment. Leaving Castiel and Dean alone.

“He told me to shut up. Whatever, I got you to myself now.” Dean said with his new trademark grin. He bit down on his lip as he looked Castiel over. 

Castiel felt tense and awkward at the same time. Having Dean gaze at him that way, with such lust would have once possibly sent a pleasant warmth through his body. However now, it was different, it made him feel sick. 

“What’sa matter Cas? You have a thing for demons don’t ya? Couldn’t take your hands off Meg, could ya?” Dean asked. Castiel caught a hint of jealousy in his voice. 

Castiel wondered why demon Dean was jealous of his past relations with Meg. “I don’t understand why it bothers you.” He said then he paused. “Meg, was a demon but she was different a demon sure but it was pain that corrupted her soul and she…earned her forgiveness. At least in my eyes.” He added hesitantly. 

Dean smiled but anger and jealousy filled his green eyes as they stared at Cas. “Whoa so Meg is some kinda saint? But me you can’t look past the monster? What kinda bullshit is that? I thought we shared some kinda profound bond?” he asked 

Cas took his time answering him, having trouble wrapping his mind around Dean’s jealous and figuring out exactly how to put into words how he felt. He and Dean always shared a strong connection from the beginning, from the moment he had raised Dean’s soul from hell and marked him. Part of Castiel had always known Dean’s existence would change him. He just wasn’t sure how at the time. 

“You said once, that you would rather have me…cursed or not. I feel much the same.” Cas said, he could feel the ache within his chest again. Cas was an angel no matter how little grace he had, he should not be feeling this way at all. He should not be feeling as though he was suffering some great loss. He should not have felt at all. 

“Hmm.. how touching Cas, that just touches my soul and warms the cockles of my heart. Think you’re in love with me.” Dean said that sly disgusting grin widening across his lips, he approached Cas so they were at arms-length away from one another. 

“I-no. Why would you say that..? It would not make any difference if I was.” Cas stumbled a bit with his words. He did not want this demon version of Dean to know the truth of it, he wanted his Dean to know not this corruption of him. 

“Oh I don’t know man, that speech you just gave. Cursed or not. I remember what I said. It was a load of crap to get you to do what I wanted you to do. Worked didn’t it and I see it had some lasting impact on you, poor angel” Dean said, he reached his arm out to touch Cas’ cheek. 

Cas took a step back when Dean had touched him, he was horrified momentarily until he managed to make himself to believe that it was only the demon talking. Dean would never make Castiel feel inferior or like some puppet. Dean’s eyes were always filled with such earnesty when he spoke to Castiel in the past. Actually, the look was different than earnestly but he could not figure out a word for it himself. Or maybe Cas was hiding a portion of the truth from himself. He had been around the Winchester’s long enough for such a trait to run off on him. Ever since Cas had been human there were always a conflict of many different feelings and thoughts. When he was an angel- fully angel with his own grace he had always felt so sure of himself and a lot of the time that had led him down the wrong path, too many times it had. 

As this demon stood in front of him snickering, Castiel knew that even Dean was capable of making a bad choice. The choice that had led him here, the Mark of Cain. The two of them stood here in Ann Marie’s apartment because of that mark. Castiel finally reached a place where he never wanted to be, in reality it was not so much a place as another set of choices; attempt to fight and fail due to his weakened state, or fight and this demon of Dean tears him apart. 

“Well angel, no words? That might as well be an admittance” Dean said closing the distance between them by wrapping his arms around Cas’ waist from inside the trench coat, his fingers teased the skin beneath Castiel’s shirt, just above the waist line of his pants. 

“So do you feel this? Can you feel pleasure? The roughness of my hands, do you like it?” Dean asked mockingly. 

A flush rushed to Castiel’s cheeks the warmth betraying any objection he could put into words. He didn’t want this Dean, he had to constantly remind himself, he wanted his Dean, he body did not seem to comprehend that message, not even as Dean pressed himself against Cas’ body. 

“Please stop, don’t do this it’s beneath even you.” Cas said forcing the words out even though the lump within his throat wanted to not only stop him from speaking but, breathing as well.

“Why? You want this body. You want me. Sure you want the human version but as I said, he doesn’t want you. You were his bitch and you can be my bitch too.” Dean said his eyes full of lust as he stuck his fingers further into Castiel’s pants. 

“I was NOT his bitch. And I will NOT be yours either.” Cas said finally getting angry, he reached into his coat grabbing the flask of holy water and splashing it onto Dean’s face. “Now who is the bitch?” he asked as he watched the demon recoil, covering his face. Cas watched grinning to himself. 

Once Dean recovered he glared at Cas in annoyance. “That was rude, Wingless.” He said.

“And you were out of line.” Cas said frowning at him.

“You could have said no.” Dean said. 

“I did.. I told you to please stop.” Cas said. 

“Oh right, I didn’t care.” Dean said 

“Well, that just makes me glad that I made the correct choice.” Cas said.

“Yeah, well be glad you’re still standing. You ain’t got much mojo, I could decide to knock you down with one of my fingers at this very moment.” Dean said. 

“Only, you are not doing it… why is that? “ Cas asked, feeling almost hopeful. 

“Maybe you are right about us… for some reason, I might just still care.” Dean said, and the hopefulness was in his eyes again, mixed with desperation. Desperation to be out of the darkness he was now locked inside. 

“We can fix this Dean. We can find away. “ Castiel said, a smile played at his lips “ You, Sam and I. We do best when we’re working together.” He added hoping he was right.


End file.
